The Scriptural Qualifications of a Deacon

  Kola Sunday AJIBOLA

Introduction

The organization of the New Testament church has elders as primary spiritual leaders, who are also called overseers or shepherds (the three terms which were transliterated from three different Greek words as bishop (episkopes), presbyter (presbuteros), and pastor (poimen).  In the New Testament, elders teach or preach the Word and shepherd the souls of those under their care (Eph. 4:11; 1 Tim. 3:2; 5:17; Titus 1:9; Heb. 13:17). Deacons, too, have a crucial role in the life and the health of the local church, but their role is different from the elders’, as they are to serve under elders.  A proper and adequate understanding of their qualifications and responsibilities is vital to success of church growth.

What is A Deacon?

Some have argued that the biblical role of deacons is to take care of the physical and logistical needs of the church so that the elders can concentrate on their primary calling. This position has problem, because, elders oversees all the needs of the church while deacons serve them in the work. Deacons are not given the function of oversight but they are given tasks. The deaconate is a ministry and not a position and finally on this point, H. E. Phillips rightly noticed in his book titled Scriptural Elders and Deacons that the list of qualifications of the deacons are  not as rigid as those of eldership and wrote that "this means that the nature of the work of a deacon is not as that of an elder, and that it does not require the maturity and advancement in experience for the deacons as it requires for the elders."

Deacon is anglicized form of the Greek word diaconos, meaning a "runner," "messenger," "servant," (Easton's Bible Dictionary).  Diakonos was derived from diako to run on errands, a waiter (at table or in other menial duties), an attendant, servant, minister (Strong, 1249). It primarily denotes a "servant," whether as doing servile work or as an attendant rendering free service, without particular reference to the character.  Generally speaking, diakonos is to be distinguished from doulos, "a bondservant, slave"; diakonos views a servant in relationship to his work, doulos views him in relationship to his master. In Matthew 22:2-14; those who bring in the guests (vv. 3-4, 6, 8, 10) are douloi; those who carry out the king's sentence (vs.13) are diakonoi, (Vine, 82). Thayer says it denotes "one who execute the commands of another, especially of a minister; a servant, attendant, minister" (138).

THE QUALIFICATIONS OF DEACONS

"The fact that qualifications are given which men must meet (1 Timothy 3:1ff; Titus 1:5-7), is evidence that the Lord intended that the offices or functions of elder and deacon continue in the churches throughout the age" (Reese, p.264).  Reese concluded that it is wrong to argue on the basis of Acts 6 that the function of deacon was only temporary, and that when the job of waiting on tables was finished, so was the need for deacons. This conclusion was in order because the Holy Spirit gave qualifications in other passages (apart from Acts 6) for selected men for the office of elders and that of deacons.

According to Ben S. Flatt in his article titled "Deacons Serve the Church" featured in a book titled "Introducing the Church of Christ," the required traits which are listed in two passages of the Scriptures  (Acts 6:3; 1 Timothy 3:8-10, 12), deal with three concepts: character, ability, and relationships with others. Four involve character traits, they are: grave, no double-tongued,  not given to much wine,  and not greedy of filthy lucre. Three emphasize ability, namely: holding the mystery of the faith in pure conscience, full of the Holy Spirit, and full of wisdom.  Three are concerned with relationship with others, which are: husband of one wife, ruling house well and of good report or blameless. From the list of the qualifications for deacons and elders (that is overseers, pastors, presbyters, bishops), one quickly note the striking similarities of the qualifications for deacons and elders/overseers in 1 Timothy 3. For example, like the qualifications for elders, a deacon must not be given to wine (v. 3,), not greedy for (filthy lucre, KJV) - dishonest gain (v. 3), blameless (v. 2; Titus 1:6), the husband of one wife (v. 2), and an able manager of his children and household well (vv. 4–5).

In this piece, we want to turn our attention to the scriptures and observe from it what qualifications are for a deacon. We will first note the English translations; then define the Greek terms used; and finally the application for these qualities to the men for the office. From 1 Timothy 3:8-12, we noted the following qualifications for deacons as penned by Paul under the guidance of  the Holy Spirit, the first four emphasize character traits:

1. Dignified (ESV), grave (KJV), respected by others (NCV): The Greek term semnos (Strong, #4518) means "worthy of respects or honour, noble, dignified, serious" (BAGD, 754). It forst denote "reverend, august, venerable" (akin to sebomai, "to reverence"; then, "serious, grave," (Vine, p.163). The term normally refers to something or person that is honourable, respectable, esteemed, or worthy, and is closely related to “respectable,” which is given as a qualification for elders (1 Timothy 3:2). It is obvious that the office is for serious man, whose life is such that he would be dependable and trustworthy in the work. This office, we believe is not for person who is not apt to this impeccable characteristic incumbent on every child of God and the church should not commit error of putting such a man in the office.
2. Not double-tongued (ESV, KJV, Darby), not saying things they do not mean (NCV),  not hypocritical (HCSB), not sincere (NIV): The Greek word dilogos (1351) means "double-faced, insincere" (Zerwick); "saying one thing with one person, another with another (with the intent to deceive)" (Thayer, p.152).  Those who are double-tongued say one thing to certain people but then say something else to others, or say one thing but mean another. It means "saying a thing to one person and giving a different view of it to another, double-tongued," (Vine, p.102). Any person who is double-tongued or two-faced should not be considered for deaconate. Dilogos is a trait of being unstable and unreliable in conversation which is inconsistent with the general principles of Christianity. The Christian must tell the truth at all the time and truth is constant and never contradictory (Matthew 12:34-37). A Deacon must therefore be sincere, trustworthy, and must not lack credibility. All Christians must strive toward perfection. James had admonished all to control self as to be a perfect man (James 3:2) and his words of encouragement must continue to ring to our hearings: "let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19). No Christian should be double-tongued, for a double-tongued person cannot be a Christian.
3. Not addicted to much wine (KJV, ESV, Darby), must not drink too much wine (NCV), not drinking a lot of wine (HCSB):  The expression here in Greek is "Ma oino pollo prosechontas." Ma means "not, by no means; never at any time." Oino means "wine." Pollo is "abundant, plenteous, much." Prosechontas is "to be given or addicted to." Literally the expression means "Not to be addicted to much wine." (Phillips, p.262).  Arising from the above, some other English translation of the Bible render the expression by: not giving to much wine; not addicted to much wine; not addicted to drink; not addicted to strong drink; not giving themselves to much wine. From all angles, drunkenness is condemned in the Bible among all classes of people (Isaiah 5:11; Romans 13:13; I Corinthians 5:11) and the punishment for drunkenness is severe (Matthew 12:45-46; I Corinthians 6:10; Galatians 5:21). 

Some have tried to justify their conscience that a deacon can drink wine, alcoholic beverages and strong drinks but that what was condemned is much. Two things quickly comes to mind here. One, John the Baptist did not drink wine or strong drink (Luke 1:15) ; God commanded Aaron and his sons not to drink wine or strong drink when they entered the tabernacle, and if they did, it meant death to them (Leviticus 10:9). If God would not permit those who served in the tabernacle to come under the influence of strong wine, why should we expect that any could use it and serve as deacons of  the Lord church? (Ephesians 5:18). Secondly, if we give the required consideration to Ecclesiastes 7:16-17,  "Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time? (emphasis, KSA; KJV). Can we conclude from the quoted passage that God want us to have "little" wickedness, that is to do 'little' wickedness as we will argue that one can drink 'little' wine or strong drink? Phillips (p. 172) concluded that "instead of having a mind clouded with intoxicating drinks," we should "have the mind enlightened with the Spirit of God."

In the New Testament days, Wine (unfermented grape juice) was used as a beverage and a medicine. All people used it, but now, it has a quite different usage. It is now primarily a drink for intoxication and not as a beverage or medicine. In fact, with the aid of technology and science, man now have variety of drugs and medicine to prescribed for any kind of ailment.

 Due to the fact that the work of deacon requires an alert, sober mind, and to be given to strong drink would hinder the performance of that work and thus  disqualify such a person who lacks self-control and is undisciplined.

4. Not greedy for dishonest gain; not greedy for dishonest gain (ESV); not greedy of filthy lucre (KJV);  not seeking gain by base means (Darby);  they must not ... try to get rich by cheating others (NCV); not greedy for money (HCSB);  not fond of dishonest gain (LEB); not pursuing dishonest gain (NIV); not fond of sordid gain (NASB): The Greek word aischro-kerdes  is a combination of two words, aischros, filthy, dishonest, base, sordid and kerdos (2771), "gain," as found in Philippians 1:21 and 3:7; "lucre" in Titus 1:11; which denotes greedy of base gains  and  aischro-kerdos (147) denotes "from eagerness for base gain," I Peter 5:2 (Vine, p. 227 and Zerwick).

"Balaam (Number 22; 2 Peter 2:15), Gehazi (2 Kings 5), and Judas Iscariot (Matthew 26:15) are the three prominent examples of professed servants of God being lovers of filthy lucre. Achan (Joshua 7:21) is another (see 6:18-19). When lucre is the price of wrong, it is filthy. When lucre is sought on occasions where none is due,  it is filthy; and whenthe desire of even just gains is excessive, it ceases to be clean" (Pulpit Commentary, I Timothy 3:8).

Hence, H. E. Phillips concluded that "If a man is so desirous of filthy lucre that he spends most of his time trying to get possession of it, so that he has absolutely no time for the service that belongs to the office of a deacon, he is not qualified" (p.263), especially since deacons often handle financial matters for the church. Christians are taught to "seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33). A true Christian will be greedy for water of life, the word of God, rather than filthy lucre.

5. They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience  (ESV; LEB); Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience (KJV); holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience (Darby, HCSB);  With a clear conscience they must follow the secret of the faith that God made known to us (NCV);  They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience  (NIV):  Here we found five Greek words: Echontas-to hold fast, keep; mustarion - a hidden purpose or counsel; secret will; pisteos- strong conviction, belief that Jesus is the Messiah; kathara- free from corrupt desire, from sin and guilt; suneidasei- the soul as distinguishing between what is morally good and bad, prompting to do the former and shun the later, commending the one and condemning the other; conscience (Thayer).

All Christians are commanded to hold  fast to the faith, as this guarantees the stability in that which was once delivered to the saints (Jude 3). A deacon must “hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.” The phrase “the mystery of the faith” is simply one way Paul speaks of the gospel (cf. 1 Timothy 3:16). Consequently, this statement refers to the need for deacons to hold firm to the true gospel without wavering. Yet this qualification does not merely involve one’s beliefs, for he must also hold these beliefs “with a clear conscience.” That is, the behaviour of a deacon must be consistent with his beliefs.

 A word on conscience will be adequate here. Conscience of every Christian must be pure. It is to have a knowledge with one's self of right and wrong, but conscience does not set the standard of right and wrong, only the Scriptures does that,. Pure conscience must be educated by the faith (Jude 3) and the standard must be held continually. From this, any man who is not steadfast (sound in faith and life) in the faith once delivered should not appointed to be a deacon in the Lord's church - the church of Christ.

6. Must first be proved  (KJV, Darby),  tested first (ESV, NIV, LEB):  There are three Greek words here that caught our attention: De- "also, moreso also", Dokimadzo- "to test, examine, prove, scrutinize", "with the expectation of approving, is translated "to prove" in Luke 14:19; Romans 12:2; I Corinthians 3:13, RV (KJV, "shall try") (Vine, p.294) and proton- "first, at the first; in order of time." In the same way that elders must be tested  should deacons be tested and proved to be fit for the work FIRST or before , then they must use the office well.

Paul writes that deacons must “be tested first; then let them serve as deacons...” Although, Paul does not specify what type of testing is to take place, at a minimum, the candidate’s personal background, reputation, moral, spiritual and doctrine maturity, and theological positions, personal track record of service in the church  should be examined by the church before appointing them having found them qualified in accordance with the word of God-the Bible. This must be done first before they are put in the office of  deaconate.

7. Blameless (KJV, ESV): This qualification has exact the same meaning with the one with reference to the elders. Deacons must be like elders against whom no evil report can be sustained. Greek term for blameless is anepilampton which means "one with whom  no evil charge can be sustained; one who is above an established charge of evil." (H. E. Phillips, 93). George R. Berry, said in his book The Greek New Testament that anepilampton means "adj., never caught in doing wrong, irreproachable",  meaning; "blameless, irreproachable" (BAGD).  “Blameless” is a general term referring to a person’s overall character. Someone whose overall character is blemished with wrong doings cannot be a deacon.
8. Husbands of one wife (ESV; KJV; Darby; LEB); Deacons must have only one wife (NCV): The best interpretation of this difficult phrase is to understand it as referring to the faithfulness of a husband toward his wife. He must be a “one-woman man.” That is, there must be no other woman in his life to whom he relates in an intimate way either emotionally or physically. "The nature of the work requires that he be married man. This qualification rules out a single man as well as polygamist." (Ferrell Jerkins, The Early Church, p.41). There appears no other way for Paul to have worded this qualification than the way he did "...must be husbands of one wife."
9. Must rule children and house well (KJV); managing their children and their own households well (ESV);  conducting [their] children and their own houses well (Darby); be good leaders of their children and their own families (NCV); managing their children and their own households competently (HCSB): A deacon must be the spiritual leader of his wife and children. He must exercise the headship in his own home. Comparing this qualification with that of elders as found in Titus 1:6,  we noted that nothing is said about the children being "believers" or "believing children," the reason for this is very clear: the work of elders is to rule, lead and teach in the way of the Lord, and he must have proved his ability by having his children in subjection and believers in Christ. It must be evident that he had enough experience necessary for the work of bishop. In contrast,  "the deacons' work is that of service in ways that do not necessitate such experience" (Phillips, p.267). Deacons' children need not be as old and advanced in age as those of the elders but not that they can't be old but they must be well behaved and be submissive to the rule of their father. This qualification presupposes that deacons must have wife, children in the same sense as elders before they can be considered for deaconates because "the control of one's family is an indicator of one's ability to function in other areas." (Ben S. Flatt, Deacons Served the Church  in Introducing the Church of Christ, p. 83).

The following are the additional qualifications mentioned in Acts 6:1-6. We are bringing this up as part of the qualifications to be considered because it has been generally conceded that those selected in Acts 6 were deacons. If this is the case, then  these qualifications as  listed by the apostles are essential and germane to the appointment of deacons in the Lord's church.

10. Honest report (KJV); good reputable (NASV): The congregation must have full confidence in the deacons in order to entrust its work and resources to them. A man's reputation can help or hinder the work, depending on what is thought about the person by the community and the church, hence, one's reputation must be established before his appointment as a deacon. From this qualification, he must be well reported both within and without  the church.
11. Must be full of Holy Spirit:  This is to "bearing  its fruits in  his life (Galatians 5:22-24)" (Roy E. Cogdill, p. 51), which equivalent of being led with the Spirit (Romans 8:14).  "That some of these wrought miracles afterward (e.g. Philip, Acts 8:6), is no proof that they could do so now" (McGarvey, 105).  The Holy Spirit dwells in Christians through faith (Galatians 3:14) and that faith comes through the word of God (Romans 10:17) and we need to be guided by the word given by inspiration. So that the Spirit will fill the man with the kind of zeal and eagerness needed  for the work to be successful. We agreed with Phillips when he concluded that "no man lacking in the Spirit of God is qualified for this office of deacon" (H. E. Phillips, Scriptural Elders and Deacons, p.268).
12. Must be filled with Wisdom:  "They should possess that practical good sense which enables men to manage complicated business affairs with satisfaction" (McGarvey).  Every Christian need wisdom as it is a necessary qualification for any successful work. Little wonder when James said: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given to him" (James 1:5).  It is not enough to be filled with zeal; one must have the wisdom from God to direct that zeal to submit to the righteousness of God  (Romans 10:3). It is when a man is well acquainted with the word of God, having studied it well, that he would be able to perform his work in harmony with the principles of the New Testament that govern the work of deacon. It is in the word of God that we find all things that pertain to life and godliness.

THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF DEACONS

The office of deacon has been misunderstood by religious people today and many are totally confused about their responsibilities. Readers are encouraged to please turn to the article of Sunday Ayandare on "The Scriptural Responsibilities of the church to the Elders & Deacons" for details.

CONCLUSION

The plan of God for the organization of His church is the best plan to follow in order to have the church as patterned by God in the New Testament. In the organization of the church, God had ordained that qualified men be put in position of elders and deacons for the growth of the church. Let us be up and doing at ensuring that only those who are qualified are put in position of elders and deacons thereby fulfilling the commandment of God for the church. When qualified men are appointed as deacons, elders will be able to assign scriptural tasks to qualified men and this will leaves the elders free to tend, feed and watch the flock as demanded of them by God.

Let us all be the doers of the word and not just the hearers or speakers alone. Are there people already appointed as elders or deacons? Have we have noted that they are not scripturally qualified? Then, you have a duty to encourage such person(s) to obey God by relinquishing the office rather than seeking the favour of men by pretending as if they are qualified. Have you noted that you are not qualify to be in position of deacon which you now occupies? We want to encourage you to please, step down and work toward becoming qualified so that you can serve God in that capacity in no distant time to come. We thank you for reading.

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Kola Sunday AJIBOLA, is a preacher of the Word. He is working with the church of Christ, Oba Iyiola Model Primary School, Ogo Oluwa, Osogbo, Nigeria. He can be reached through P. O. Box 35478, Agodi Gate, Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria. 234-8056048209. Email: ksajibola01@yahoo.com. www.ksajibola.blogspot.com and www.cocogooluwa.org.

References

ASV. American Standard Version of the Holy Bible.

BAGD. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament.

Berry, George R. The Greek New Testament.

Cogdill, Roy E. (1990). New Testament Church. Guardian of Truth Foundation, USA.

Darby. Darby Translation of the Holy Bible.

Easton's Bible Dictionary, PC Study Bible formatted electronic database Copyright © 2003 Biblesoft, Inc.

ESV. English Standard Version of the Holy Bible.

Flatt, Ben S. (1981).  As in Bible times Deacons Serve the Church. Introducing the Church of Christ, 81-84. Star Bible Publications, Inc.

HCSB. Holman Christian Standard Bible.

ISBE. The International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia

Jenkins, Ferrell (1999).  The Early Church, 38-43. Florida College Bookstores.

LEB. Lexham English Bible.

McGarvey, New Commentary on Acts of the Apostles. p. 105.

NASV. New American Standard Version

NCV. New Century Version.

NIV. New International Version  of the Holy Bible.

NKJV. New King James Version of the Holy Bible.

Phillips, H. E. (1959). Scriptural Elders and Deacons.  Guardian of Truth Foundation, USA.

Reese, G.L. (2012). New Testament History-Acts.

Strong, James (1890). Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.

Thayer, Joseph (1889). A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament.

Vine, W. E. (1999). Vine's Concise Dictionary of the Bible Words. Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville.

Zerwick, Maximillian (1996). A Grammatical Analysis of the Greek New Testament.

THINGS THAT CONSTITUTE AN HONORABLE MARRIAGE

By ' Gbenga Fabunmi

 

Introduction
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Heb. 13: 4; NIV).

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13: 4; NKJV).

"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13: 4; KJV).

"Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicator and adulterous" (Heb. 13: 4; NRSV).

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Heb. 13: 4 - English Standard Version; ESV).

"Marriage should be honored by everyone. Husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge guilty those who take part in sexual sins". (Heb. 13: 4 - International Children's Bible - New Century Version - NCV). 

There are three basic points in the various renderings of the book of Hebrews, chapter thirteen and verse four as shown above. We, strongly, believe that the things which constitute an honourable marriage are clearly spelt out by God, through His Holy Spirit, in this passage:

1)    Marriage, as an institution of God, must be well respected by all people (Heb. 13: 4a; see Gen. 2: 18 – 25; cf Mk. 10: 6 – 9). This simply means that whatever race one may belong to; whatever language one may be speaking; whatever religion one may be practicing; whatever social status one might have attained in life; whether one is well-lettered or one is a stack illiterate – the God of heaven and earth has only one law governing the marriage institution (Acts 17: 24 – 26).
The above submission is the truth about the marriage institution but it is not all that can accept it (Mt. 19: 3 – 11). Nevertheless, whether all people have respect for marriage institution or not, God will continue to be true to His own establishment (Rom. 3: 3, 4). 

2)    The marriage bed must be kept pure. It must not be defiled both before and even after marriage. It is an abomination in the sight of God. It is detestable unto Him (Heb. 13: 4b; see Deut. 22: 13 – 20; cf; 2 Sam. 13: 10 – 13). To be defiled is to be made dirty or polluted. When something is polluted, it is no more pure. It is not clean. It is dishonourable! It is obscene! Therefore, one who makes the marriage bed to be impure is asking for the wrath of God (Heb. 13: 4c)
The Corinthians were warned by the Apostle Paul thus: "Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand" (1 Cor. 10: 8; KJV). The English Standard Version's (ESV) rendition of the passage is, "We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day". Whichever rendition we may choose, the crux of the matter is that as the Corinthians were warned  then, so we are today, because "Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction on whom the end of the ages has come" (1 Cor. 10: 11; ESV).     

3)    Fornicators and adulterers stand condemned before God (Heb. 13: 4c; see Mt. 5: 32; Mk. 10: 11; cf; Rom. 7: 2, 3). It is adulterous for a marriage partner to divorce his/her spouse for any reason(s) other than the sin of fornication. As a matter of fact, the marriage bed is defiled the very moment another man has the carnal knowledge of a woman who is divorced by her husband. This accounts for the reason, why her former husband could not take her again to be his wife because she has been defiled (Deut. 24: 1 – 4; cf; Mal. 2: 14 – 16). 

We sincerely believe that the three things explained above are the real things that constitute an honourable marriage in God's own reckoning. And God, being the originator of this institution, we also believe has the right to tell us how we are to use the institution. Unfortunately, very few people consider these things when they are planning their marriage/wedding.

Going by what is in vogue now; wedding ceremony has been substituted for marriage. Many people now think of how to throw a big party, which will be the talk of the town for a good part of a whole year or even more. They plan their wedding ceremony to attract people from all walks of life, where the register of who-is-who in the society will be marked. They think more on how to ship down, from overseas, their wedding gown, suit, shoes, rings and other artificial make-up (i.e. cosmetics applied to the skin). They think more on the food and drinks, to entertain their invited guests, and even learn new dancing steps.

We wish to humbly submit that people should play down upon these mundane things because they are not the things that constitute an honourable marriage. Note that whether they are present or not, an honourable marriage is conducted once it is in line with the law of God on marriage (1 Cor. 10: 31, 32; Col. 3: 17).

Our emphasis, therefore, should be on chastity before and after marriage in order to have an honourable marriage. Chastity is to be chaste. It means to be a virgin or sexually pure. Whichever of the meanings we may pick, chastity means to keep oneself from being defiled, from being polluted, from being sexually made dirty before entering into marriage and even after marriage.

Sexual intercourse is a good thing. It is a pure thing and it has the approval of God. It is called due benevolence (KJV), or conjugal rights (ESV; 1 Cor. 7: 3). It, however, has its right place in marriage. It is designed by God to take place only between husband and wife and they must not deprive each other of this heavenly stamped act (1 Cor. 7: 3 – 5). Little wonder then why Joseph, the carpenter, wanted to put Virgin Mary away privily because she was found to be pregnant during their courtship days (Mt. 1: 18, 19). "Flee fornication…" says the scriptures (1 Cor. 6: 18 – 20).

In the good olden days, it used to be a thing of shame for a lady to get to the house of her would-be-husband without having her virginity intact. This grievous sin attracted death penalty under the Mosaic dispensation (Deut. 22: 13, 14, 20, 21). Tamar, the half sister of Amnon, one of the sons of David, has this to say concerning this shameful act, "And she answered him, Nay my brother, do not force me, for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. And I wither shall I cause my shame to go? And as for thee, thou shall be as one of the fools in Israel…" (2 Sam. 13: 12, 13).

The Yoruba people of the South West of Nigeria place a great value on virginity. Though, death penalty is not prescribed for a girl who has lost her virginity before the night of her marriage, the shame that goes with it is far beyond the girl herself. It is the whole family of the useless bride that will bear the consequence. Empty matches-box, a basket which has lost its bottom through constant use, and some other insignificant gift items are some of the signs that the family of the groom will send to them to register their displeasure for the wayward girl.

On the other hand, a girl who is met intact by her husband has brought invaluable joy, happiness, and honour to her parents. The gift items that would be sent to the bride's family by the groom's people will as well be invaluable. This is to show how highly they esteem the bride's family for keeping their girl's virgin intact.

It is, however, disheartening how boys and girls of nowadays are throwing this priceless and honourable thing to the dogs. Pre-marital sex is no longer considered a big sin. Fornication, to them, is no more sin than mere testing of one's potency! Virginity, the flower of a damsel, is plucked unceremoniously. We hope it will not be too much to say that it is now hard to find one out of every ten girls, who has not been de-flowered. Such a one must even necessarily be an 'old school lapel'. Why should they keep their virginity? After all, Jesus Christ, in his second coming does not need a mother like Virgin Mary. Chastity, to a lot of people, belongs to the stone-age, but now "Oju ti la", (i.e. "we are now civilized!"). Ours is, (no doubt), a perverse generation! (Acts 2: 40).

We have had enough on chastity. Let us look at another thing. There is what people call traditional marriage. This is a marriage conducted in the traditional way, according to the custom and tradition of the people concerned. If a traditional marriage is truly devoid of idolatry but 'the bed of marriage has been defiled', it is not honourable (Heb. 13: 4). Just as we are warned to flee idolatry, we are also warned to flee fornication! (1 Cor. 10: 14; 6: 18)

Another type of marriage is described as "white marriage". This type of marriage is common among the elites and some religious sects. It is so-called because the idea is foreign to us in Africa. The dress code, the language of communication in their marriage worship service and some other aspects of the marriage ceremony are those of the white people. It usually takes place in the meeting hall of some denominations. The bride will dress in white gown, white veil and white hand-gloves. The groom and his men dress in their well cut suit, (three-piece, most of time), and the bridal train, all marching in splendor. The officiating ministers will be speaking in angelic tone while the celebrants with their admirers will be beaming with tooth-paste smiles, as they pose for photographs. All these, truly, may make the day a memorable one but not necessarily an honourable one. Once 'the marriage bed is defiled', no amount of whitish apparels can undo what
has been done (Heb. 13: 4).

One other thing that is considered to make a marriage honourable is going to the Registry to tie the nuptials. This is done to legalize a marriage. Any marriage conducted by the customary court's Registrar is the one recognized by the law court. A certificate is issued to the couple to validate their marriage. Also, a marriage conducted by the court can only be dissolved by the court should the husband and his wife seek divorcement later in future. In spite of the legality brought into the marriage institution by the civil government, once 'the marriage bed of is defiled' before the signing of the so-called 'dotted lines', it is dishonorable! (Heb. 13: 4).

Some people erroneously think that if a preacher is not around to conduct a wedding ceremony, especially, in a church's meeting hall, such a marriage is not honorable. We want to make it abundantly clear that this is found only in the catechisms and creeds of the denominational world. The scriptures say "If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God…" (1 Pet. 4: 11). There is nowhere in the Bible where the honor in marriage is attached to the pulpit or the preacher. In fact, preachers in the church of the New Testament, the church of Christ, are not ministers of meat and drink, "For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost" (Rom. 14: 17). The Apostles of Christ say "…It is not reason (good) that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables. Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men…, whom we may appoint over this business. But we will give ourselves
continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word" (Acts 6: 1 – 4). Preachers are ministers of the word and not ministers of tables!

While we will not say it is out of place for a preacher to attend a marriage ceremony (if invited), and/or use the occasion to preach/teach the gospel of Christ (if allowed to do so), it will be out of place to think that it is a must for a preacher to officiate at a wedding ceremony in order to make such a marriage honourable. We also beg to disagree with the Christians, who are clamoring for the use of the church's meeting hall for social activities like burial, marriage, christening of babies and other social engagements. "…What? Have ye no houses to eat and drink? Or despise ye the church of God, and shame them that have not?" (1 Cor. 11: 22).

A Yoruba adage says, "N o ko ile mi bi i ile Adebisi, oluware ko ni ko nnkankan". The literal translation of this is, "I want to build my house like that of Adebisi, such a one may end up not building anything". Chief Adebisi was a legend in the city of Ibadan, the capital city of the old Western Region of Nigeria, in the twentieth century. His house, at Idikan, in the heart of Ibadan city, is there till date for whoever cares to see it. Though, dilapidated and in ruins, the house cost Chief.Adebisi of Idikan a fortune, during his own time and it was the only "awo-si-fila" house, (this literally put will read, "the only house you doff your cap for") then, in the whole of Ibadanland, the largest city in the West of Africa. The Bible, being the book of God, however, teaches us a very good and better lesson than we have in that Yoruba adage. "Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits"
(Rom. 12: 16).

Some people, out of sheer arrogance and pride, have turned marriage/wedding ceremony to a form of competition. Right from the printing of the invitation cards to the kind of hall to be used for the event, the type of cars to ride in by the bride and groom, the number of cows to be slaughtered, the 'aso-ebi' (i.e, ceremonial attire) to be dressed in by the families and invited guests, the current band-stand to employ etc., all these will be planned and executed in a way that it will beat the last one they witnessed. Alas, none of the aforementioned things is among the things that constitute an honourable marriage. And what's more? Yoruba would say, "Ko nii ye eniyan titi, ki'le ma su u", meaning, "No matter how highly honoured one may feel in a day, that day will definitely come to an imminent end".

If we all agree with this submission, to be the truth and nothing but the truth, why do we continue to care and trouble ourselves about many things? Let us think more on one thing which is needful and choose that good part which shall not be taken away from us (Mk. 10: 38 – 42). Take note of this one thing, if the whole world is in attendance at a societal wedding (ceremony) but 'the marriage bed is defiled' already, it is not honourable. Whereas, if a marriage is conducted in a parlor, where the number of the people present, to grace the occasion, can be counted on the finger-tips, once it is in accordance with the will of God, it is honourable (Heb. 13: 4). The point we are trying to make here is that each should plan his/her marriage/wedding ceremony according to the will of God and cut the coat according to the size of the available sewing material. The scriptures is sounding the warning repeatedly, "Mind not high things, but condescend to
men of low estate" (Rom. 12: 16). This in simple English means, "Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation". The people invited are there to witness the holy matrimony, so as not to give room to insinuation from any quarters, should the marriage be conducted in secrecy.

One last thing we need to touch is the deception which man has brought into the marriage institution. Marriage is designed by God for men and women that are whole. These are men and women who are able and are capable of copulation. Marriage is not for eunuchs and hermaphrodites. A eunuch is a man who is impotent either by birth or through castration, while a hermaphrodite is a creature with male and female sexual organs. A woman, whose sexual organ has no opening, is known as an 'Akiriboto' in Yoruba language. There is no sin in being a eunuch, especially, if a man is born so from the womb of his mother (Mt. 19: 12), but people talk of 'putting a round peg in a round whole'. This, though, is a figure of speech, but it is true of the union between a man and his wife. The vessel possessed by a man is that round peg, while the round whole, here, represents the sexual organ possessed by a woman (1 Thess. 4: 3 – 5).

We like to suggest, here, that once the vessel possessed by a man (i.e. sexual organ) cannot penetrate the vessel possessed by a woman, marriage has not taken place. It is at the point of exercising the conjugal rights (due benevolence) that a man and woman are joined together by God (Gen. 2: 24, 25). This is reiterated in the New Testament by the Lord Jesus Christ in Matthew chapter nineteen and verses five and six, "…For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: And they twain shall be one flesh…What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder". The conclusion of the matter is that, if either of the two, who are living together as husband and wife, is found out to be incompetent in the aspect of sexual intercourse, they are yet to be joined together by God, in marriage. "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband…" (1 Cor. 7: 3 –
5). So a marriage based on deception cannot be said to be honourable. 

Conclusion:
The Christians are warned against extravagant spending and ostentatious life. Neither should we conform to this world (Rom. 12: 2). Let 'modesty' be our watchword in all that we engage in, especially, in our marriage ceremony, since we know that the honour in marriage is not in extravagance or ostentation.
If we, truly, acknowledge the fact that we are strangers and pilgrims in this wretched world, we should abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul of man (1 Pet. 2: 11, 12).
Finally, if our intention is to impress people, then we won't be able to do the will of God (Gal. 1:10).

This paper was delivered @ The church of Christ, Kube, on Sunday, July 28th, 2013, Total Garden area, Ibadan.
©Gbenga Fabunmi is a preacher of the word. He is working with the church @ Koloko, Olopo – Meta, off Ibadan/Lagos Expressway, Ibadan. For further enquiries, he can be contacted on his mobile phone numbers: (234)805 – 604 – 8210 & (234)703 -380 - 6368 or his     E-mail address: gbengafabunmi@yahoo.com, (P.O. Box 12003, Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria).